On Bisexuality (This is not a scholarly post)

I’m actually surprised to admitting to this (because I dislike labels), but there are some things that we have to put in ways that others may be able to understand. You might think, you don’t need to explain anything to others if you’re comfortable with who you are. Yeah, but unfortunately it is inevitable for people to wonder and ask, and it’s inevitable that I would have to explain things to them in layman’s terms. Or at least in the best way that I can they won’t feel the need to hurl something at me and deny my existence.

Yeah. I’m bisexual. That’s how I roll. And contrary to the pseudo-popular belief of some acquaintances, bisexuals do not get to live gloriously (at least in my case).  But before I get to that, let me introduce my bisexuality first, because I understand that the experience of being bisexual differs in each person. (Me and my friends have this consensus that each and every one of us has been bisexual in a portion of his/her life).

So. Yes, I’m bisexual. Most people like to put it in percentages. So, let’s do it.

Let’s say I’m a 70% (pro-boys) and 30% (pro-girls). So what the fuck does that mean? It means that I am primarily attracted (both physically/sexually and romantically) to men. But I am also physically attracted to women from time to time (but it rarely happens that I fall in love with them, it just reaches the sexual/physical attraction phase). (To clue you in on why I hate explaining things about my sexuality, I’ve had a girlfriend before who I can say I loved romantically, but I’ve never had a boyfriend before. That’s just basically my bad luck with men. I don’t know. But I’ve had several unrequited loves with men.) IT’S COMPLICATED LOL ANYWAY.

In a nutshell, I’m pro-boys. There.

And surprisingly, because of this, some people refuse to acknowledge my bisexuality. Or, the other part of me that becomes physically and sexually attracted to women. They’d ask me, ‘Oh wait which one do you really like?’ ‘I like men primarily. Both physically/sexually and romantically.’ ‘SO YOU’RE STRAIGHT THEN!’ ‘No! I’m bisexual!’ Aaaaaand we’re back to square one.

Or sometimes it goes like this: ‘Oh wait but you said you’ve had a girlfriend before right? And you haven’t had a boyfriend yet?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘So that makes you a lesbian already! So are you fancying any girls lately?’ ‘No. But there’s a guy that I’m really attracted to.’ ‘But you can’t do that! YOU’RE LESBIAN!’ ‘No! I’m bisexual!’

Oh, bisexual erasure y u liek dis? Seriously, are we so obsessed with what’s black and what’s white that we just can’t accept the possible grey areas in between? There are some things that have to be clear-cut, but I guess some people haven’t heard of the fluidity of sexuality and that the Kinsey scale does not limit on SUPER HETERO or SUPER HOMO alone. And it’s difficult having to explain oooover and oooover again (and trust me, I don’t wear a BISEXUAL BADGE or something on my sleeve, because as much as possible I don’t want my sexuality to become such a big issue in my life). But it’s inevitable for people to ask. Hayyyy.

And I think this bisexuality and the fact that I’ve had a girlfriend before is a factor on why I’m still an NBSB-er. Idunno. Maybe. Because I have a tendency to be attracted to men that need sexuality orientations (and this I would discover later on as we go). Idunno. Ahh, life.

Well, I shouldn’t settle for anything less than someone who understands who I am with only one explanation. Or better yet,  the person to whom I shouldn’t have to explain myself.


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