For the past two months, I’ve always found myself second-guessing what other people tell me. Casual conversations have also become increasingly confusing — taking too long to figure out how to react to their stories, and finding it harder to say anything else than “oo nga!” or “ooh, gets gets” or “aah okay”.
I’ve felt disconnected most of the time. It’s like conversations have lost their meaning along the way.
Tracing back what has happened the past few months, there have been significant changes.
- Job switch. Getting an accounts job in advertising entails taking care of more tasks, being on your toes most of the time, ingesting a lot of information for different projects, and talking to so many different people. It’s not for everyone — you need to pull the rabbit out of the hat aka the extrovert you never thought you were. Sure, we’re taught to engage in conversation almost everyday, but it’s a different context altogether. It’s trained, you learn to talk about things even on autopilot. Subconsciously, you realize it’s the same patterns day in and day out. I love the work I do — the point is that I’ve lost time to practice the art of genuinely understanding, not replying.
- Less time to read, reflect, and react. With less time to reflect and enrich myself with the things I’ve always loved to do, it gets more difficult to relate to other people — hence, it’s harder to listen. Conversations are shared experiences, and both parties have to have something to bring to the table — which is preceded by truly understanding what they are saying. Most of the time, I’ve felt unable to relate to others because I can’t even relate to myself.
All I want is more time for #2. As an INTP, I need it so bad.