There are still things I tend to do even though we’re no longer together, like tiptoeing around her feelings and trying to keep my happiness to my own. Yesterday, I was talking to my dad about something he may have shared on social media, and asked him to be careful at least with who can see it (because I know they’re friends). Bluntly, he just said, “Once lang naman. Besides, malaki na siya (Besides, she’s a grown woman, she can take it).” Makes sense. With me, there are just certain habits that I can’t break yet — like how it has always been, with trying to hold her feelings important. Don’t get me wrong, because now, I have a love that, without a doubt, is bound to sweep me into an amazing future, and this is something that I do not question. There’s also just a fragment of me – partly guilt and partly habit, that because I know I hurt her, does not want to release more punches. I think, it’s really mostly guilt, and it’s me and my personal principles scratching at the surface. It’s a guilty feeling I need to let go of, because I have yet to learn that I cannot hold dear all the feelings of everyone I hold dear.
The 1975 just released a new album (i like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it). Most likely to make me cry: She Lays Down, about Matty’s mom’s post-natal depression. Most likely to make me fall in love: This Must be my Dream, ironically, about a love that cannot be. Most likely to make me get up and dance: The Sound. Makeout song: ILIWYSFYASBYSUOI.
Sometimes I still feel like I’m in a daze with work. Or it’s probably the restlessness and exhaustion of each day. I don’t know. Let’s see.
There should be eight days in a week. I’m exhausted.