The in-betweens of crushing sorrow and maddening silence, leaving and loving, waking and dreaming, that’s where you will most likely find me.
In between times when I can’t hold it in (and I even take pride in not crying because I’m a big girl), that’s where you will find me nowadays.
You will find me trying to scream but all that there is are my words turned into sand because words escape me, like how I try to catch sand with my toes but they slip from underneath. Like a cat, I try my luck with all my stealth to creep behind my sadness, I try, I really do, but I’m the one that gets startled and burden crushes me. I try to put it in writing but all that come out are acid tears that drill holes through paper because no matter how sharp or stinging I feel, I can’t seem to find the right sentences to put them there. My throat is hoarse from the countless times I’ve tried to purge but all I come up with are clouds circling inside my head, clouding over reason but whispering assurances, “you need to go through this, you need to let it out, you need this” because I am in between crushing sorrow and maddening silence, leaving and loving, waking and dreaming, and I want to be somewhere where sadness is without and where limbo isn’t a feeling but a dream where certainty can exist.